Ricardo and Token's Bogus RPG
by CloudStrife42
Summary: What happens when two idiots get caught up in an adventure meant for real heroes? Find out in this spoof of FF (well kinda)! Rated PG13 for some mild sexual humor, language, and mild violence.


Ricardo and Token's Bogus RPG!  
  
Uh, well. I don't own the things im spoofing, but I pretty much own the rest. Booya.  
  
Introducing An incredible cast Of Morons!  
  
RICARDO The Cocky Hero Guy  
  
TOKEN The Token Black Guy  
  
RAPHIEL The Demented 8 year old  
  
LAYLA The Hot Chick  
  
More to come soon.  
  
Chapter 1 In Which Two Morons Make a Big Mistake.  
  
The village sat peacefully at the base of a volcano. Luckily it was not an active one so nobody got blew up a lot. Well, they still did. But that was because of two idiots. There names were Ricardo, and Token, Who was a Token Black guy.  
  
Now, when you think of Ricardo, you think of a guy who has took way to many steroids. I'm serious. The kid eats steroids for breakfast, for crying out loud. He also talked a lot. What did he talk about? Well, Himself, That hot girl he saw last week, Himself, Sports illustrated, Himself, Himself, and Himself. I think by now you know what kind of guy Ricardo is.  
  
Token was, well, the Token Black Guy. He was thrown into this story to say stuff like "Damn!" and "Shit!" and "That WACK!" Token is mainly a disgruntled black guy upset about racism. (I have nothing against blacks)  
  
The thing that these guys had in common was the tendency to do lots of stupid stuff. Well, Ricardo was the one who did that. Token just followed a long, like he tends to do. Who would forget the time that they snuck clear across the world to steal some Hair Gel for Ricardo? He wanted to look like Cloud from FF7 I guess. Or how about the time when Ricardo was chasing some lady that he saw at a pool party and it turned out to be Michael Jackson? That's why Token follows Ricardo all around. And stuff. Well, you see, Michael was once a Token Black Guy himself. But after some major surgery, he turned himself into something that looks like a deformed Monkey that is pale. Now Token wants him dead.  
  
But enough talking about these two morons. Let's get this all started. This began on a happy Saturday afternoon. Ricardo was watching t.v. There was a infomercial about how to make you have a Six Pack.  
  
"I don't get why they are showing all of this Body Building crap!" Ricardo said, throwing a burnt potato chip onto the ground. "I thought they were trying to tell me how to get a six pack of beer, not to have bigger boobies than a girl."  
  
"Damn! We have so much in common, Brotha. I'm mad too. That's because They are showing white guys and girls doing the work out. Why aren't they showing two black people? That pisses me off." He said, flying up off of his chair. "Michael Jackson, your evil Influences are not working! I will kill you! You little freak! AGHHHAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Just then the doorbell sung across the house. "I got it! If it's a girl," Ricardo said, puffing out his chest. "They gotta see how incredibly manly I am!"  
  
"That's Wack!" Chimed Token.  
  
Ricardo stood up and popped some steroids into his mouth. "Let's do it!"  
  
"Shit, Ricardo, I like you as a friend but not enough to do THAT!" Token said disgusted.  
  
"You're a moron, you know that?" Ricardo said. "You don't even understand what I meant!"  
  
The doorbell rang a second time.  
  
"GET IT!"  
  
"I WILL DAMMIT!"  
  
Ricardo ran across the room and flung the door open to see a girl, a beautiful one at that, staring deep into his eyes.  
  
"Hi," Her angelic voice chimed. "I'm Layla!"  
  
Layla's eyes were like the ocean. that beautiful crystal blue. Her face was perfect. If Ricardo didn't know any better, he would say she was perfect. She was great, the perfect tan, the sweet hazel brown hair. Great. Oh and he just couldn't stop staring at them Boo-  
  
"Sir, would you please stop staring at my," Layla started, but Ricardo cut her off.  
  
"What? I wasn't staring really. I mean. Here come in and have some melon. We got two melons- oops, not melons I mean Coconuts- OH GEEZE! I mean, we have some milk, you know makes a body fine.. Hehe not that you need it. Well its fresh from the nipple!" Ricardo bumbled out. He was out of his mind. It was the most beautiful girl ever.  
  
"I'm sorry, sir," She said, shrugging it off. "I'm here wondering if you have any. well, judging but the stupidness of you. I don't think I should tell you. But do you have any one here having anything to do with the Crystal at Tamarack Peak?"  
  
"No. But I like Crystals." Ricardo Stared.  
  
"Right. Well, whatever you do, don't ever follow me around. and don't go to the Crystal Peak. Whatever you do. You understand that?" Layla said nervously.  
  
"Right. Um. Got it. Yeah." Stuttered Ricardo.  
  
She left. Ricardo stared. She went to the next house. Ricardo stared.  
  
Pretty much you know what Ricardo did the whole after noon.  
  
"Damn! Don't you know when to quit?!" Token said loudly. "I mean, damn! There's looken. and then theres LOOKIN TOO MUCH!"  
  
"Your right. I think we should follow her."  
  
"Weren't you paying attention?" Token shouted. "Theres something dangerous about that peak. wait a minute. If a black guy did something dangerous, don't you think he would get famous?" Token started getting a crazy grin on his face.  
  
"Great. Just let me fix my hair."  
  
***  
  
It was night fall by the time Ricardo was done fixing his hair. They started up Tamarack mountain, brave. Although they had a lot of cool machine guns and stuff, Ricardo insisted on making both of them use their fists to fight monsters. Token, being a really big pussy, wouldn't stand up to Ricardo, so there you have it.  
  
"My ass hurts." Ricardo whined.  
  
"Really? Well, sucks to be you!" Token yelled, running up the mountain steps ahead of Ricardo.  
  
"Wait Token! I WILL RESPECT YOU AS A BLACK MAN! AS A BLACK AMERICAN!" Ricardo sat down and started crying to himself. But then, a voice was heard. An annoying voice.  
  
"Mister what aw ya cwying a bou?!" Said an eight year olds face popping out from behind a rock.  
  
"My friend, The Token Black Guy, ran off!" Ricardo cried. "Even though I am big and strong and have a pocket full of steroids, the monsters still scare me!"  
  
"HELP! DAMN! SHIT! THAT BEAST IS WACK!" A voice echoed across the cerulean skies.  
  
Ricardo jumped up. "That's my friend! We have to save him!"  
  
"Yeah!" The little boy said happily jumping up and down. "Im a bouncing Kangaroo from far away! I hop, hop, hop, hop, hop all day! So how about you come and play!"  
  
"You idiot! Lets go save my friend. Oh yeah, what the hells your name anyway, kid?"  
  
"Im Raphiel, But you can call me Raph. Or better yet, you can call me KANGAROOOOOO!"  
  
"I think I will stick with Raph. Its easier to say." Ricardo combed his hair.  
  
"Well lets do it!"  
  
"YOU SICK PERV I DON'T WANT TO DO IT WITH YOU! YOUR ONLY EIGHT!"  
  
"Aghh. help. cant breath. tearing. my. limbs. apart."  
  
"That sounds like Him. Lets go!"  
  
So what will happen to our friends and that little weird kid Raphiel? Well, we might never know, and as a matter of fact, no one really cares. But heck, just incase you were caring, how about you give me a damn review? You know how much I love reviews. And hell, maybe if I find time, I will just give you one. Oh yeah. Lets do some fore shadowing. Why? Because its fun!  
  
NEXT TIME: WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE CRYSTAL IS TOUCHED BY A COLOSSOL IDIOT? WELL, WE REALLY DON'T KNOW, BECAUSE IT HASN'T HAPPENED YET. BUWAYYAYAYAYAYA.  
  
Ok whatever.  
  
Seeya.  
  
Drop me a Review.  
  
Come on you know you want to.  
  
Once again, this was Cloud Strife! And I was born to make you horny. Um. Whatever. 


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